just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
