She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
