between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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