she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
