just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
