she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
