Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
