maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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