he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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