I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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