theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
