The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
