Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
