girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize