He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
