I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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