Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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