Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize