and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
