Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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