worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
