dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
