Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
