bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
