Pants 0. Shit 1.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
