New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
