Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
