i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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