If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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