Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
