This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
