new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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