and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
