my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
this just has baby written all over it
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
