I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
