As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
did you just send me my own nude
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
