if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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