No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
