im drinking this country out of the recession.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
