Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
