I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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