just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
