theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
This is the high leading the old right now
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
