Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
