last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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