yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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