Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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