if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
