wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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