I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
