i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
