We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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