What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
