It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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