Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
So squirting runs in the family.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
