you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
