Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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