I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Randomize
