i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
