It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
