When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize