So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
foreskin is a definite game changer
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
