I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
