You don't have asthma, your pregnant
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
This is the high leading the old right now
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
