I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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