Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
