He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
