it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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