Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
did i just pee glitter
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
