oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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