he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
