That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just gift wrapped bread.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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