Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Randomize
