First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
