just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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