She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
