Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
