you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize