My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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