He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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