Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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