You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Terrible idea I love it
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
