apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
