U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
