I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize
