My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
