When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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