I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
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