I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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