why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
