it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
