I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
