Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
