Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
