A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
