Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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