She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
