If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
