I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
