Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
